


Let me get away

by Ansgår (vegardylvisaker)



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Incest, M/M, but set in 2015, no wives no kids no fox, this is some kind of realistic au ?? idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-16 19:37:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4637664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vegardylvisaker/pseuds/Ansg%C3%A5r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bård left Norway to work in NYC three years ago and Vegard stayed behind. They chose to stop YLVIS, or working together in general, but seemingly out of nowhere, Bård changed his plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 01

Bård's been working in New York for quite some time now and every day is as hectic as the very first that he came here. Everyone around him is nothing but a faceless blur, nothing but a nameless part of the busy mass in the streets. Bård's life is more than stressful and sometimes he wishes he just could escape.

Vegard on the other hand has a very easy life back in Norway, maybe too easy for his liking. It isn't particularly challenging without his younger brother, it isn't exciting or honestly interesting. While Bård meets new people every day and has several different projects on his hands, Vegard only has his daily routine: wake up, eat breakfast, work at home, call someone, eat dinner, work, sleep.

The brothers used to work together and they used to be pretty close but at the moment they are seperated by a giant ocean and frankly, it kind of isolates them. At first they used to call each other every two days, just to check up on their brother, but that habit died a few months ago. They have close to no contact these days and that's why Vegard is more shocked than surprised now that Bård stands outside the older one's front door, with two big bags in each hand.

"Hey, Vegard. You think I could borrow your couch for a night?"

-

"Okay, again. I still don't think I quite understand what you're doing here?" says Vegard as he pours them each a cup of tea. Bård sits on his brother's couch, his feet resting on the small table, and he mouths a quick "thanks" when Vegard gives him the cup.

"Remember when I called you a few weeks ago and told you they offered me a job as the company's manager? I finally declined."

Vegard nods quickly and says, "Yeah, you said it was too hectic for you?"

Bård nods too. "Yes, it was too busy. Anyway, today I got a call from the big boss and she told me they'd make me manager nonetheless. So I quit."

Vegard can't spit out the tea fast enough to shout "What the fuck, Bård?", so instead it runs out of his mouth and merges with the words. The brown liquid drips down Vegard's chin as he gets up to clean himself, cursing under his breath.

The younger Ylvisåker shrugs and takes a small sip of his own tea. "The whole business is corrupt as hell anyway, so why stay? I won't let those American assholes pressure me into working in a position that'd drive me crazy."

"Yeah, I guess I get that but- It's a bit unpractical, isn't it?" calls Vegard from the kitchen.

"And why would it be?"

"Well, I mean..." The older one comes back into the living room, no trace of tea left behind, and he sits down in his armchair. After pushing his cup further away on the small table, he leans back and looks at his brother with a worried face. "You're unemployed now. Also, I thought working in New York was the ultimate dream?"

Bård takes his legs off the table and sets his cup down in front of him. He frowns deeply. "Back then, yes. But the interest wore off pretty fast. Three days in and I already wanted to quit the job again."

"Seriously now?" Vegard leans forward a bit, probably trying to be subtle about it, but he can't really hide his concern about the new information. Bård realizes he has to explain some things but he doesn't have it in him to talk about the exhausting subject any longer. The spontaneous eight hour flight still nags at him and tiredness sits in his bones. So instead of answering he gives a firm nod and looks away, looks around the living room as if he's there for the first time, and his brother gets the hint.

Vegard has a lot of questions running through his head, wants to know what Bård is going to do now and if he thought this whole quitting thing through because surely he couldn't just go back to the company as he pleases and why did he fly all the way back to Norway when he could've just stayed at his apartment and look for a new job? And why the hell did Bård come to _him_ , out of all people?

Vegard rises from his seat and collects the tea mugs. They're still half full but the dark haired has a habit of tidying up when leaving a room. "Okay, I guess we can talk about it later. To answer your question from earlier - you can stay a few days, I guess. Uh... I think I should let you be for a bit, uhm, I actually got some work left anyway so I'll be in the office until, let's say... Seven? Eight? Maybe nine." His voice sounds friendly but forced, and he offers his brother a short smile. Then, Vegard makes his way back to the open kitchen but stops in his tracks half-way there. He turns around. "I trust you with being alone around here but... If you need anything, you know where to find me. You _do_ , right?"

Bård grins half-heartedly, "Yeah, I remember your house.", and a moment later he is left alone in the huge living room. He glances at his watch - 05:18 pm - and looks around the room again. Truth is, he doesn't remember everything of the house, at least not where his brother's office is. He hasn't been in here for 21 months now. The blonde one takes it all in and figures nothing he remembers has changed; The leather furniture, the glass table in front of him, the white carpet beneath it. His eyes devour the high ceiling, the huge HD TV, the modern dining space a few meters away. After all this time everything still looks so new and sterile. Bård knows this room but he feels as if he sees it for the first time and he can't help but wonder how Vegard could feel at home in such a big, liveless hall.

-

After aimlessly wandering around Vegard's house for a bit, Bård figured the best way to wait for his brother was taking a nap. After all, he was still quite tired from the flight and there's nothing better to do anyway. So there he lies, in the anthrazit-schemed guest room that looks way too fancy for his taste, and tries to find some sleep. Normally he would doze off in a matter of seconds but the atmosphere around him is too hostile to get comfortable.

The younger Ylvisåker finds himself wondering again - why does this cuboid of modern architecture and glass feel so cold? Why does it look so apathetic, as if it was unoccupied? Does Vegard himself not enjoy living here enough to make it homely? Is it too expensive, too big for his own liking as well?

Suddenly the memory of one room pops into Bård's mind - Vegard's bedroom. Probably the only living space in this house that doesn't feel anonymous. It has nice cream-colored walls, a chocolate-y interior, a big fluffy carpet. Bård remembers the colors rather than the furniture though and he decides to go and refresh his memory.

The younger man doesn't have any inner conflicts about his little exploring trip - Vegard is his brother, there can't possibly, _shouldn't_ be anything he would hide from Bård. Not in his bedroom anyway.

Bård scurries out of the guest room and down a short hallway that's lit up by evening sunlight shining through the glass front. He jogs up two flights of stairs, taking two steps at a time, and when he reaches the third and last story of the building, he can already see Vegard's bedroom door in front of him.

The blonde closes the small distance between himself and the door and opens it brusquely, not caring about the noise he makes while kind-of violating his brother's privacy. As he steps inside the room the first thing he notices is the white kingsize bed that appears unmade. Bård raises his eyebrows as he takes in the rest of the room; It is rather untidy, various items of clothing are scattered across the floor, the blinds only half-way up. Compared to the rest of the house this looks like a trash bin and Bård thinks that maybe Vegard spends most of his time in here.

He walks towards a dark wooden door in the top-right corner of the room and memories of a tiny bathroom flood his mind. He turns the doorknob and peaks inside the white-tiled chamber that - to his surprise - doesn't seem to have a scent. Bård doesn't know why but he somehow expected the faint smell of lemongrass shampoo and hand soap. But that may be because Vegard smells like that.

The man looks around the room once without anything interesting catching his eye before he closes the door again and heads straight for the bed. He believes he saw enough for now and the curiosity that practically shoved him out of the guest room earlier is now replaced by a new wave of tiredness washing over him. Bård flops down on the somewhat hard bed - Vegard never liked plush mattresses because they cause him back pains - and closes his eyes immediately. He breathes in his brother's natural scent that sticks to the pillow under his face and before he has the time to realize what he's actually doing, a dreamless sleep pulls him in.

-

The heavy smell of baked potatoes and hot oil tickles the younger Ylvisåker's nose and the rest of its owner awake. Bård opens his eyes slowly and blinks at the bedroom door that's wide open, revealing the now dark glass front of the hallway. He doesn't remember leaving the door open and so he figures Vegard came in earlier. Suddenly he realizes where he is, what he just did, and a slight sense of embarassment spreads in his mind. _We're brothers though_ , is the thought that calms him. _Vegard shouldn't mind._  
Bård gets up and out of the bed, not because he wants to but because his growling stomach forces him to, and his legs carry him downstairs in a hasty rush.

"Look who's awake!" Vegard shouts from the kitchen as he hears the _tap tap tap_ of his brother's feet on the wooden floor approaching. "How'd you sleep, Bård?"

The younger one flashes his backside a smile while he takes a seat on the kitchen counter. "Very well. Sorry for using your bed without asking." He figures it's only polite to apologize.

Vegard turns around with a sizzling pan in his hand and he shoots Bård a quick glance before placing meat strips out of the pan on two seperate plates. "Well, I told you I trust you around the house. I admit it was a bit strange to find you in my bedroom but... I thought we were gonna share the bed anyway?"

Bård's gaze flickers from the steaming food to his brother's face. His voice sounded casual and his last sentence wasn't a question but Bård knows it requires an answer, still. He clears his throat. "Share the bed? Why'd we do that?"

The concentration on Vegard's face while he prepares the plates doesn't alter. "Oh, did you expect me to let you sleep on the good leather couch?" He turns around again, wipes his hands on the tee cloth draped over his shoulder, and takes cutlery out of a drawer. "No, that thing isn't for sleeping. I paid a lot for it."

"What about the guest room though?" He doesn't know why but Bård has a hard time processing the suggestion of them sharing a bed. Not any bed, _Vegard's_ bed.

"Come on, we both know you hate that room. You can't sleep in there." Vegard says and then serves the still steaming dinner. Lamb with baked potatoes and a small salad.

"I don't hate it." Bård mumbles as he nods a silent 'thank you' and starts eating. Then, just like that, the conversation is off the table. The brothers eat in silence without looking at each other, mostly because Bård's gaze is too fixed on the delicious food in front of him and he vaguely wonders when Vegard learned to cook that well.

After dinner is over, Bård helps Vegard doing the dishes, though he insisted of doing them alone, but his brother felt it's the least he could do to thank him. After all he just bolted in and left his brother little chance to send him away again.

It doesn't take them long until the kitchen is clean again and they are left with nothing to do. They hover about in the living room, unsure of what to say because they aren't used to being alone together anymore, and the silence gets awkward rather quickly.  
"So..." Bård singsongs as he sways back and forth on his feet, trying to avoid looking at Vegard. Looking at him now isn't easy for Bård - he feels as if the sight of the older one could blind him any second. The feeling confuses him, annoys him, because he tries to avoid its reason to be there.

"So..." Vegard repeats in a similar tone but his body isn't as tense as his brother's. Bård reckons that may be because he isn't the _I-quit-my-well-paid-job-in-New-York-to-crash-on-your-floor_ candidate of the two.

"You know, I think we should go to sleep, it's eleven already." says Vegard after a moment and Bård's body stiffens a little more. There it is again, the subject of them sharing a bed is back in the room, and the blonde doesn't know how to respond. He goes for a simple "Yeah, I guess." and Vegard claps his hands once before he switches off the lights and heads upstairs.

Bård decides to follow him because really, he is unsure of what else he should do and Vegard already turned the lights off, and a minute later the two brothers find themselves in Vegard's separate bathroom. The taller one watches as Vegard prepares two toothbrushes and hands Bård one. In that moment he would like to point out that his own toothbrush and paste are in one of the black traveling bags, but Bård finds it's pointless now. So he doesn't say anything and the two men stare at their own reflections in the small mirror as they brush their teeth in unision.

Vegard finishes first and leaves the bathroom without another word, followed by his brother after a short pause. As Bård walks back into the bedroom, his eyes automatically super-glue themselves to Vegard's back while he strips down to his underwear in front of him. It's been so long since they've seen each other in less than three items of clothing that Bård feels a bit uneasy now. Of course this shouldn't feel unnatural or weird, he knows that, but after this strange day he can't stop himself from feeling awkward about it. Nothing seems to be natural between them anymore.

Vegard however doesn't seem to mind - he changes into a new pair of boxers and a white shirt before sitting down on the left side of the bed, his eyes dart to his brother's face. "If you're more comfortable in the guest room, go sleep there." The dark haired sounds calm, friendly, and Bård knows it is a genuine suggestion but he is taken aback. Vegard is so straight forward with his actions and it surprises the younger one - his brother has always been of the socially awkward kind. Bård has to think about the idea for a moment, evaluates how uncomfortable he could possibly be sleeping next to Vegard.

"Let me get my pajamas from downstairs real quick."

* * *

 

Vegard lies awake in the dark room, breathes in the midnight air's scent that floods through an open window, and he listens to his younger brother snoring lightly beside him. Their bodies aren't touching, both of them stay on their respectable sides of the bed wrapped up in separate white blankets, but Vegard can still feel the other one's warmth on his skin as if they were cuddling close.

He is chasing sleep for two hours already because he just can't stop his mind from racing. Hundreds of thoughts occupy his brain at once, developing and leading into different directions and questions.

 _Why would Bård be stupid enough to quit his job? Just like that? There's got to be more to it, he's keeping something from me. I don't know that though, I should trust him._ Can _I trust him? Am I getting paranoid now? Today's been so weird and I can't fucking sleep. He just showed up on my door step, out of fucking nowhere! Why didn't he call first? What if I wouldn't have been home? Where would he have gone? Where will he go now, without a job? Does he even live in New York still or did he sell his apartment as well? No, he couldn't sell it within a few hours. Or could he?_ Would _he? Was it planned after all?_

Vegard's mind is spinning, the thoughts overcrowd his brain and his head starts to hurt. He knows that this will turn into a proper headache if he doesn't stop it from doing so, so Vegard decides to go downstairs and take an aspirin. Just in case.  
He gets up carefully, stops dead in his tracks when he hears a soft whimper coming from Bård, waits a moment, and then moves even slower. Vegard tries to be as cautious as possible when he opens the bedroom door because he knows how light his brother's sleep is. It's always been like that and loud, energetic New York probably didn't help the cause.

Vegard makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen. He doesn't bother to turn on the lights before he opens a cupboard and takes out a glass. The dark-haired fills it with water from the sink's faucet and then opens a drawer in which he keeps all kinds of medicine. Vegard believes in self-treatment rather than going to a doctor.  
The moonlight that shines through the glass front enlightens the kitchen a bit and in the blue glow Vegard quickly finds what he looks for. Before he opens the small package, he can hear the light smacking sound of bare feet on wood and Vegard immediately feels somewhat guilty for waking his brother up.

Bård stumbles into the kitchen, the pale moonlight illuminating his uncovered legs, and he scratches his head sleepily as he asks, "Why are you not in bed?"

Vegard swallows the pill quickly before he downs the water in one go and turns around. "Got a headache and needed an aspirin." He points the empty glass in the younger one's direction to underline his words. "I tried to be quiet but that didn't work too well, apparently. Why'd you come downstairs?"

Bård stares at his brother for a moment before he answers. "I wanted to know where you are." He makes it sound like it should be obvious, like it's self-explanatory, but it isn't; Bård knows this is out of character for him, normally he wouldn't run after his brother in his own house just to know where he is. There is no valid reason for that anyway.

The tension that wavered around them during the day is back again and the younger one doesn't know how to behave. Things were left unsaid between them three years ago when Bård took off to America and with fading contact, the past seemed to fade as well. But now everything that happened seems to dawn on him again, slowly, like a sunrise, and it creates a strange atmosphere for the two men.

Bård carried the words around with him for the past years, balanced them on his lips gracefully and never let them spill over, not once. Six words he knows that are meant for his brother's ears and his ears only, Bård would never say them to anyone else. It's a simple "I am in love with you" that burdens his shoulders and weighs him down, and the guilt for his feelings rages inside his chest whenever Vegard looks at him.

Vegard looks at Bård and Bård looks at Vegard and for a second it seems as if the older one knows, as if he knew all along. But then he snaps out of his gaze and shakes his head slightly. "Well, it's like three in the morning, we should probably go back to bed."

Bård realizes how close he was to finally breaking and he is thankful that Vegard - indirectly - stopped him from doing so. He nods, he scratches his shoulder, he turns around. The blonde walks back upstairs and into the bedroom without saying another word and it doesn't really surprise him when he notices three minutes later that his brother didn't follow.


	2. 02

"Do you think we could start working in showbiz again?"

Only three days have passed since Bård showed up on his brother's doorstep out of nowhere. So Bård knows it's a rather ridiculous thing to ask and he doesn't expect a real answer. But Vegard raises his eyebrows and - to his brother's surprise - seems to think about the question. The two men stand next to each other in Vegard's kitchen, do the dishes even though Vegard owns a dishwasher, and he actually does think about the possibilities of getting back into in showbiz.

"Well, I mean..." he says as he hands Bård a wet plate. "How big is the realistic chance of being onstage again? Because we're out of the Ylvis thing for three years already."

Bård watches Vegard closely and forgets about drying the plate in his hands. He just holds it wrapped in the towel while his mind is working at the speed of light. "Yeah, but..." says the blonde, trying to grasp a complete thought, the beginning of an idea. "If we went to TVNorge and presented some sketches? Or we could go back to theater? I think theater sounds better, even."

The corners of Vegard's mouth curl into a small smile and he shakes his hands over the sink. He then turns to dry them on a different towel that's hanging on a rack next to the kitchen counter. "I've thought about this once or twice in the past but... I don't know, Bård. It's more like a quick idea, you know? I don't think we'll be able to realize it."

Bård leans against the kitchen counter and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Oh, and why wouldn't we be? Because I remember that we were pretty successful with our shows."

"Yes, we were - _three years ago._ Bård, we can't just show up out of nowhere without any material on our hands and demand our place back in the business!" Suddenly Vegard's voice is a little louder and he sounds upset. His brother wonders if he hit a raw spot. He exhales slowly.

"All I'm saying is that, in case you change your mind, I'm in. I'm ready to start things with you again."

The brothers look at each other for a second and Bård realizes what the last sentence must've sounded like but Vegard nods and Bård nods and the topic is off the table. Somehow they don't seem to be able to touch what happened in the past.

~  
Vegard sits on his leather couch and looks at the huge TV that's secured on the green wall in front of him. Some documentation is on but the older Ylvisåker can't quite concentrate on it; His mind keeps wandering back to Bård's suggestion from earlier today.

If Vegard could, he would accept his brother's offer instantly. Getting back into showbiz sounds like a dream, actually. It's fun and busy and a lot of work and Vegard is so used to working in his office at home now, where he has to do the most mundane things. He wishes he could just break out of that routine and be his more spontaneous self again, the self that gets challenged on a daily basis. Vegard misses the stage and he misses the audience and he misses the special feeling of joy that one gets when they do something they love. But above all that, he misses creating something alongside his brother.

Vegard doesn't pay attention to the TV programme at all anymore. He is so lost in thought, he doesn't notice Bård coming down the stairs, and he is so busy with sorting his mind, the simple touch of Bård's finger on his shoulder makes him jump.

"What the fuck, Bård?" shouts Vegard and his hand rests on his chest in shock. The younger one laughs loudly at the sight. "I didn't think you'd still be this easy to scare!"

Vegard tries to be angry, he really does, but it rarely takes a second before a grin parts his lips. "Yeah, you got me there. I was in lost in thought and I didn't hear you."

"Yeah, what was that anyway? I come downstairs and see you staring at the TV like a lunatic?" The blonde sits down at the far right end of the couch and stretches his legs out on the black leather.

The older one raises his eyebrows slightly but doesn't comment on his brother's dirty socks on the expensive couch. Instead he scoots a bit closer to pick Bård's feet up and rest them on his thighs. It's a rather intimate gesture that he didn't think through all that much and Bård stiffens a bit before relaxing again.

"I contemplated your idea from earlier, actually. I thought about it long and hard and I didn't really get a result." Vegard's voice is calm and careful, so as not to stir any hopes in his brother's heart. But Bård leans forward anyway, anticipation visible in his eyes. "So?" he asks.  
"I said, I didn't really come to a conclusion."

"Yeah, make your decision now, then! What do you say?"

Bård is stubborn and he wants to hear a 'yes', doesn't even consider the option of a 'no', and Vegard wishes he could say: "I don't think it's a good idea, no matter how much I'd love to. I'm sorry, Bård." But instead he looks at his little brother and real hope graces his features and Vegard remembers. He isn't fast enough to stop himself before his answer slips out: "Why not."

~

It's nine pm and Vegard just agreed to what could turn into something life-changing. He sits on his couch and his eyes are fixed on the glass of wine in his brother's hand as said man babbles on and on about work. The dark-haired isn't very surprised to hear that Bård seems to have a rough plan of everything already and he wishes he could actually focus on what he says. But his mind is too occupied with the wine glass that could leave stains if its contents were spilled and there's another problem: The alcohol in Vegard's blood system threatens to wash memories of the past to the shore of his conscience.

Bård doesn't notice any of that though; He talks about different stages and all-black outfits and TV cameras and sketch ideas, he giggles and shouts and waves his left hand to underline his words. The younger Ylvisåker is so caught up in his drunken plans, he doesn't realize that it's getting dark around them, or that the lit candle on the couch table gives the scene a romantic atmosphere.

Vegard on the other hand seems to notice everything; The way the light of the flame paints Bård's face in a soft orange glow, how his eyes sparkle with excitement, the naked patch of skin where the dark sweater slipped off his shoulder. Vegard remembers as well, because he can't fight the past bubbling to the surface any longer, and it's all a blur of feelings. He watches as the blonde's gestures grow bigger and bigger and suddenly, Vegard's mind is brought back to worrying about his furniture.

"Alright, put that glass on the table. I don't want the wine all over the carpet later."

Bård stops talking mid-sentence and looks at Vegard. His mind is too foggy to understand his brother's intentions but he does place the wine glass on the table. He swallows and turns to face Vegard with his whole body. "You know," Bård mumbles without any trace of giddiness left, "It was surprisingly hard for me to get used to you again. Or, not _you_ but... _Being around_ you."

Vegard didn't expect this. He didn't expect Bård to address the strange aura that surrounded them at all. So that may be why Vegard feels so overwhelmed that he can't talk, but it could be the alcohol numbing his tongue as well.  
Vegard stares at Bård and Bård stares back at him through heavy-lidded eyes and for a second, there seems to be nothing but them. Them and the past, because there is no second in the day in which they aren't separated from each other by what happened three years ago. But suddenly they are in each other's space and neither of them can say whose fault it is.  
It is only now as their lips meet, that Vegard realizes how much he missed being able to touch his brother. It is only now, as Bård hurriedly yanks the sweater over his head, that Vegard realizes how much he still loves every inch of his skin and each corner of his personality. Bård hasn't left his head since he left Norway but Vegard did stop thinking of him the way he wasn't supposed to think of him. He thought he was finally done hurting his brother and himself.  
But now Bård is there again, with his greedy hands all over him, and his greedy mouth, and his greedy eyes. All responsibility falls from his shoulders as the younger one unzips Vegard's jeans and sticks a hand down his boxer briefs. Vegard instantly forgets that this is wrong because Bård occupies his mind and all his senses at once.  
~  
The walls of Vegard's bedroom glow ghostly white in the moonlight that trickles through the window. Fresh air floods in and with it the scent of the cool night. Vegard lies awake in his bed and can feel his brother's heavy arms wrapped around his torso. Bård's head rests on the older one's chest and his breath feels warm and light on his skin. Vegard wishes he could stop his mind from racing but once again there are too many thoughts popping up at once.

This is wrong. Everything about this is wrong. They are brothers, they aren't supposed to have sex. They aren't supposed to love each other in a romantic way. Bård wasn't even supposed to come here three days ago.

But now he's there, sleeping soundly in Vegard's arms, and as much as he hates himself for digging up their unresolved past, he can't help but feel his heart grow heavy with love whenever he looks at Bård.

Vegard's mind is full of guilt and self-pity and it's torturous; His and Bård's relationship gapes like a huge wound inside his brain. A wound that would, _could_ never turn into a scar. But he tries his best to push the negativity away, if only for the sake of finding sleep, and after what feels like a small eternity, he finally succeeds.

* * *

 

Bård wasn't drunk enough to forget what happened the night before but he is still surprised to wake up in his brother's arms the next morning. Knowing Vegard, he didn't expect to find him still in bed, much less in a cuddling position. Vegard isn't too fond of cuddling and he doesn't like sleeping late but above all that, he was always too scared to wake up with Bård. That way each of their previous nights had a feeling of onenightstand to them.

Truth is, Vegard is very reluctant about the brothers' relationship. He is also very afraid, and very desperate, and Bård knows all that. He is afraid too, and desperate, and that is why he forces himself to keep their relationship on a physical level. Bård doesn't allow the six words to be verbalized because they would seal their fate. There would be no going back.  
Vegard knows about his brother's feelings, simply because he reciprocates them. But they can't let each other know.

Bård lifts his head slightly to look at the older one's face and Vegard opens his eyes almost instantly. Bård smiles weakly at him, the sleep still sitting in his face muscles, but Vegard doesn't smile back. Instead he runs a hand over his face and looks around his bedroom, alarmed. "You're still here.", he states.

Bård knits his eyebrows together in confusion when he says, "Yeah, where else would I be?"

Vegard looks at him and blinks once, twice, before he pushes his brother away lightly and sits up in the bed. "You need to go."


	3. 03

Bård didn't know what to feel first - confusion, anger, or disappointment. There might have been a time where it was common for Vegard to disappear before Bård woke up in the morning, but he would've never thrown him out like that. On the other hand, what did he expect, really?

The younger Ylvisåker stands in his brother's hostile living room with a big black travel bag in each hand. He looks around the space and sees the burnt down candle from the night before, the wine bottle, and his dark blue sweater. A bitter taste sits in the back of his throat.

He doesn't feel like taking the sweater with him. He doesn't feel like he wants to remember any of this in the future. He feels humiliated, and rejected, and Vegard doesn't seem to care. Bård almost wants to leave out of free will now.

Vegard comes walking down the stairs and his steps are a little too heavy on the wood. "Aren't you going to take that with you?" He points at Bård's sweater but doesn't face the man it belongs to. Vegard does feel guilty and horrible for kicking him out like that. But he knows it's for the better if the two of them don't stay together any longer.

After all, what did they get out of it? Vegard just agreed to working with his brother again. Vegard just agreed to having sex with his brother again. Vegard just agreed to - for the first time in their lives - stay until the next morning. He doesn't want to let it go any further than that. He knows what could happen.

"No, I'll..." says Bård quietly before he trails off. He moves his head weakly, as if he is trying to scare a fly away, and Vegard wishes he would look less hurt. He wishes his brother would put that mask on, like he always does when someone hurts his feelings. He wishes Bård would hide his emotions behind a hard and cold face rather than letting them flood from his every feature. Vegard sighs heavily.

"Bård, look-"

"No, Vegard. No. It's okay. I-I understand... I guess." Bård turns his face away, turns his whole body to leave, and Vegard wants to reach out. Like so many countless times before, he just wants to grab him and kiss him and make him feel loved. But it's so hard to move forward when there's a wall in his head stopping him.

"You know why I have- why we have to do this."

At that, the younger one turns around again and real anger flares in his voice. "Oh, really? I _know_? _Tell me_ then, Vegard, _what exactly_ I know!" The watery blue of his eyes quivers just the slightest bit but it's enough to betray Bård.

"You know what I'm talking about, Bård. You know what there is between you and me." Vegard's voice is calm but resolute; He bites his lower lip, eyebrows raised.

"Do I? Because I don't think we're on the same page here! Fucking hell, Vegard, I am tired of this... This... _Everything_!" Bård drops the travel bags and grabs his sweater from the couch instead. He holds it up in front of the dark-haired and shakes it slightly. "Do you see this? It's fucking evidence of last night and you know that. You want it removed for the same reason you want _me_ gone. Simply because you are _afraid_."

"Shut up and leave, Bård, we're not in kindergarten." Vegard interrupts, but his brother ignores him.

"You are afraid of this whole relationship because you think it's _wrong_ and _disgusting_ , but you know what's _really_ wrong and disgusting? Fucking kicking me out like that without even talking to me! No, instead of finding a solution you rather avoid the problem! But you know what? That's okay, that's totally fine, I don't care. And guess _why_ I don't care, Vegard, _guess why_!" Bård's eyes are wide open and his voice rises with every word and he actually moves forward slowly as if he was trying to threaten his brother.

Vegard stares at Bård's chest because he doesn't dare to face him. "Shut up." he says and his voice is too quiet for his own liking.

"No, Vegard, I _won't_ shut up. I'm going to say it know and you're going to fucking _listen_ -"

"It's enough, Bård."

"I am in _love_ with you, Vegard. Do you hear me? I am in lo- No! Better yet! I _love_ you, with everything I have! And you know it and you _ignore_ it!"

"I said, it's enough."

"You ignore it because you're a weak, scared coward! But I still love you! And you can't do anything agains-"

"I said, it's fucking _enough_!" Vegard yells into his brother's face, his voice a harsh, raspy growl that makes the blonde jump. Vegard tried his best to stay calm and he used all his strength to keep his fists to his sides, close to his legs. But Bård is unfair and Bård uses an 'I love you' as some kind of threat, or blackmail, or to apply pressure, and Vegard's had it. He's had enough because he feels like he's heard all this before, like they've gone through this whole fight a million times already. Truth is, they never talked about this in the past, but Vegard went through the scenario in his head time and time again.  
Yes, he was afraid of this day. He still is. And yes, he knew Bård would explode at one point. He had imagined a hundred different scenarios of how this talk would go, came up with the most absurd settings. But the situation is exactly what Vegard hoped it wouldn't be.

Vegard takes a step forward, squints up at Bård, and drills his index finger into the taller one's chest. " _This_ is why I wanted you to leave. _This_ is why I never wake up with you. _This_ is why we stopped working together and _this_ is why you went to New York. We _aren't_ some kind of lovey-dovey happy couple that can just go through Oslo and hold hands! We are _brothers_ , Bård. We _aren't_ supposed to fuck, okay? We aren't supposed to sleep in the _same bed_ night for night. We aren't fucking supposed to have _feelings like that_ for each other!"

Bård is so hopeless and desperately in love, he wants to read something into Vegard's words. He wants to make himself believe that the older one - if indirectly - confessed his love for him. But Bård is almost as realistic as he is hopeless and so he doesn't let his heart manipulate his brain. Instead he takes a step back, two, three, until he's next to his travel bags again.

"Is that your last word?"

Vegard looks puzzled when he answers, "What? What do you mean?"

Bård doesn't want to but it's not his choice. Nothing depends on him anymore. "There is no point in staying with you if you don't love me. So, is that your final answer? That we aren't supposed to be anything but brothers?"

"Bård-"

"No. Tell me. I want to know."

* * *

 

_It was the first really warm Norwegian summer in years and the sun shone all day, but they chose to stay inside nonetheless. Earlier, Bård had tried to drag his brother outside for a bit of skating or a game of soccer in the backyard. Vegard wasn't particularly interested though. His video games appeared a lot more exciting to him._

_Bård, at fifteen, couldn't understand why his still-seventeen year old brother rather stayed inside when the weather outside was so inviting. But he couldn't understand a lot of Vegard's behavior at that time.  
So instead of lying in the sun, he chose to stay with the older one and play some of his video games. It turned out to be a good idea though because Bård seemed to be the born video game pilot._

_They spent whole afternoons like that and they had a lot of fun, even if Bård wouldn't admit it. He'd always talk about how ''it was nice and all'' but he'd ''rather go outside, still''. That was until the blonde turned sixteen._

_Bård's birthday party was quite disappointing because he didn't have that many people to invite, his parents didn't get him the present he really wished for, and Vegard wasn't around until late in the evening. Too late actually, because Bård had already left his own party and went upstairs to his room._

_So Vegard made his way through a few dancing people and a few drunk strangers and he knocked on his brother's door. He found Bård lying on his bed in his underwear and wet traces of frustration glistened on his cheeks._

_"Hey." Vegard said, and he sounded as if he felt guilty for Bård's mood._

_"Hey." Bård answered, and his voice was too quiet, as if he tried to hide the emotions in it that way._

_The older one sat down on his brother's bed, a little too close to him maybe, and placed a gentle hand on his arm._

_"Why aren't you downstairs with the others?"_

_Bård, who faced the wall, knit his eyebrows together and shrugged. His lips turned into a pout as he looked like he was about to cry again._

_"Come on, sit up and tell me." Vegard's voice was kind and his touch was warm and eventually Bård did sit up and told him._

_He talked about the evening, how rarely anyone spoke to him on his own birthday. He talked about how their parents refused to buy him a motorbike. He talked a little about how he thought it sucked that Vegard wasn't there._

_After he finished, his eyes were shiny and his lower lip trembled slightly, and Bård looked at Vegard and Vegard looked at Bård. They never looked at each other like that before but they didn't feel odd about it. They didn't feel weird when they leaned forward, simultaneously, and gently pressed their lips together. Even after some drunk guest burst in on them making out, they didn't feel weird about it; They were young, they didn't know much about life, and the moral took it's time, grew with age._

* * *

  
Bård looks at his older brother and he doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know what answer he will get, what answer he wants to get. The blonde is afraid of the truth and the lie to same amounts.

Vegard stands still and he seems to be in shock but really, his mind is working fast. His brain doesn't stop digging up memories from the past, and Vegard lets it. He allows himself to remember because he fears this could be the last memory they make together.

"Okay, Bård. You want me to tell you? You want to hear that I love you with every fibre of my being? You want to hear me admit that I am too afraid of being with you? Good, okay." Vegard tries to keep his voice from shaking and he tries to look as calm as possible. It's hard to control himself, though, when the past is revolting in his head.

"I _do_ love you. With all I have, since we were young. I love you more than anything else and yes, I am too fucking scared to admit it. I am so scared of hurting you that I can't bear the thought of being with you. I am too scared to take this any further so that I rather kick you out after waking up with you. Even though I know that you were waiting for that to happen for years."

Bård inhales loudly and shakily and he sounds like a fish on land. His eyes get very shiny and he threatens to start crying and now is the moment, Vegard thinks, when he should shove him out of his front door. Now is the moment when he should finally end the whole thing.

So Vegard steps forward, and he reaches out like he wanted to do so many times before, and he wraps his arms around his taller brother and rests his face in the crook of Bård's neck. And Bård starts crying, silently and violently, but he tries to suppress it for the sake of his brother.

The dark-haired tightens their embrace and kisses Bård's neck and Bård clings to him as if his life depends on it.

Vegard wants to put an end to it, he really does want to stop their suffering and their worries, but right now he can't. Right now all he can do is reach out and make Bård feel loved.


	4. 04

There is a quote that says ' _Love is our greatest doom_ ', Vegard remembers, and it very much applies to the brothers. Especially now, that they're lying between the white sheets of his bed, Bård's head resting on his chest once again.

It is almost ironic how the thing they hate themselves most for is their best way of communication. When they are at a loss for words or simple sentences lose their meaning, sex is an escape route. When they don't know how to express their thoughts or what they feel, sex is their translator. Or when they find themselves in a situation where one confesses his love and the other only starts crying, sex is a way to handle the rush of emotions flooding their hearts.

The younger one is asleep and his nose makes a small whistling sound every time he inhales. Vegard listens to it and feels his heartbeat pounding beneath his brother's cheek, and all he can think is, ' _Love is our greatest doom_ '.

A few minutes later Bård turns his head and his mouth smears a shiny trace of saliva across Vegard's naked skin and all he can think is, ' _Love is our greatest doom_ '.

Three hours pass and the blonde, still asleep, slides off his brother with a low grown and it makes Vegard miss the touch instantly, and he thinks that ' _Love is our greatest doom_ '.

 

* * *

 

Bård sits on Vegard's couch and leans over the small glass table in front of it. He scribbles thoughts and ideas on a notepad, already planning the comeback of YLVIS, and Vegard watches him from the kitchen. His eyes trace the outlines of Bård's profile, from his forehead to his chin, and wander down his throat, his chest, over the table and to his hands.

Vegard loves to watch his brother work. His mind is always fast and productive but creative moments seem to double the speed with which the ideas flood. The pen races across the paper and Bård's lips silently pronounce the words he's writing down. He seems to be stumbling over his own thoughts though, because his mouth moves as if he had a lisp.

"Need a little help there?" Vegard asks, party because he wants to, partly because he thinks he has to. After all does YLVIS consist of both brothers.

Bård gives a small nod instead of answering and Vegard immediately stops cutting tomatoes and walks over to the couch. He sits down next to the blonde and leans over the notepad.

" _Aerial silk extension pack?_ " reads Vegard out loud and raises his eyebrows. Bård only shrugs and leans back on the black leather.

"Was a thought in between that I wrote down just in case. There are a lot of those."

The older one squints at Bård's notes, some of them are written in the tiniest font size possible, and he says: "Yeah, rather than actual original ideas, it seems."

"Well, what do you expect?" Bård pushes himself up to get off the couch. "I started like twenty minutes ago."

Vegard doesn't respond but watches his brother as he walks into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He seems to move a lot more freely than on the day of his arrival, and Vegard knows it's not because he got used to the house. Bård still hates the building and he still secretly hates living in it. The reason behind his seemingly carefree behavior is Vegard himself. What he said yesterday, what he said this morning, what he said just twenty minutes ago. A simple and easy 'I love you'.

In reality it isn't simple and it isn't easy. Vegard doesn't feel comfortable with it yet because he didn't want to say it in the first place. Or yes, he _wanted_ to, but he also thought that it was his duty to never say it and preserve what little sense of normality they had left. But Bård broke the rule and said it, and so Vegard said it, and Bård knows how Vegard _really_ feels about it but he pretends. He pretends he doesn't know, to make it easier for himself.

"Hey, what's for dinner tonight?" says the younger Ylvisåker and steals a quarter of a tomato from the wooden plate on the counter.

Vegard snaps out of his thoughts and gets up almost immediately. "Oh, right, dinner." he mutters. Then, a little too loud, he adds: "I'm making pasta. I believe I remember you like pasta. Or did that change over the years, too?"

It was totally unnecessary for him to add a 'too' at the end of his question, and both brothers know it. But neither of them knows what Vegard's intentions behind it were. Still, it sits awkwardly between them like the elephant in the room, and Bård clears his throat.

"Well, I do still like pasta, so..."

"Good, I'll finish it, then."

"Yes, I should probably get back to work, too."

Despite their confessions and their trying to get used to it, the awkwardness from three years ago still wavers around them. It's a strange atmosphere that, if seen and felt from the outside, could serve as a warning sign. But Bård and Vegard are in the very center of it, and so they are unable to realize what kind of insanity they're spiraling into.

~

"Do you think we could go out tonight?"

Vegard looks up from his laptop screen and is immediately fixated by piercing watery blue. It doesn't make him feel as uneasy as before anymore but it's still hard to hold Bård's gaze. It is as if the younger one would stare right through him.

"Well, I got some work to do this evening. After all we spent the last days..." Vegard raises his eyebrows and looks back at the laptop.

"What? Fucking?" Bård finishes his sentence and a wide grin spreads on his face when he sees Vegard's cheeks reddening. "You enjoyed it. Despite all."

Yes, Bård is aware of Vegard's struggling. He knows how hard he has to fight himself everytime he lets the younger one touch him. He knows how much he despises himself for saying three little words that changed everything between them.

"Come on. Just to the movies or something. Nothing big."

"I don't know, Bård..."

"It'd be good for inspiration, too!"

Vegard sighs and Bård's eyes sparkle weirdly and like so many times before, Vegard cannot say no.

~

It's quarter past ten pm and instead of watching a movie, Bård and Vegard sit at the bar of night club. Vegard has to drive them back home and he isn't too fond of alcohol anyway so he just sips on a glass of sparkling water while his brother downs one shot of tequila after another.

It's boring and it's a mundane activity and Vegard doesn't enjoy himself the least bit but he tries his best to hide it. He figures he should do Bård a favor and play happy.

"I didn't take enough money, could you buy me the next two shots?" asks Bård and his tongue is already heavy in his mouth. They'be been there for almost an hour now but the blonde already had eight tequilas.

Suddenly a small blonde woman appears seemingly out of nowhere and she puts her hand on Bård's arm. "How you doin', pretty boy?" she asks in a sugar sweet voice.

Bård raises his eyebrows and turns his head slowly because his reflexes may be a bit affected, but he musters a perfect grin once he faces the stranger.

"I'm pretty good, thanks. How _you_ doin', lady?"

Vegard watches silently as the woman giggles and whispers something into his brother's ear and _alright_ , he thinks, _this is a fucking joke_. The older one takes another sip of his water and he desperately wishes for it to be alcohol.

Suddenly the blonde girl grips Bård's arm tighter and it looks like she's trying to drag him away from his seat.

"Come on, let's dance a bit!" she says with a devious smile, and winks at Vegard, as if to make fun of him, as if she _knows_.

Vegard feels provoked and Vegard doesn't have a problem to admit he's jealous, so he gets off his chair, grabs Bård's other arm with an equally tight grip and says: "That's my br- boyfriend, lady. Come on, Bård, let's go."

Bård had eight small glasses of tequila and his temper got worse with each shot that went down his throat, so it's not very surprising that he protests. "I don't wanna go, I'm talking to this beautiful wom- _Boyfriend?_ "

In this second, time freezes. Bård stares at Vegard and Vegard glares at the woman and she looks like she's trying to decide whether to laugh or to be shocked.

While the truth is that Vegard called him 'boyfriend' in order to justify his behavior, Bård feels as if his brother just proposed to him.

What neither of them know is that this could serve as a second warning sign.


	5. 05

"What the fuck was that, Vegard?" shouts Bård and his drunk voice echoes through the dark parking lot.

Vegard just shrugs and unlocks the car. "You flirted with her."

"So?" The alcohol in Bård's system lets his voice rise. "I'm not your property!"

He says it and he means it and it would probably provoke Vegard if Bård didn't stumble over his own feet while yelling at him.

The older one sighs and rounds the car to help his brother into the passenger seat. "No, you're not my property." He tries to sound casual but really, he's just tired. "But you were the one who decided to shove us over the edge and into a fucking relationship, so at least act like it."

There is, of course, a lot more intention behind Vegard's behavior than that. But Bård doesn't ask and Vegard doesn't want to talk about it and so, the topic is off the table.

The blonde weakly tries to protest as Vegard pushes him into the car and fastens his seatbelt for him. But as soon as he closes the door and sits down behind the steering wheel, Bård is already sound asleep.

* * *

 

Waking up next to his brother still isn't easy for Vegard. As soon as he opens his eyes and realizes the blonde is wrapped around him, his fight or flight instinct kicks in. In 99% of all cases he chooses 'flight'.

This morning is particularly bad; Bård doesn't even touch him but he does lie next to the older one, and Vegard panicks. It feels like a rush of cold water showering down his back repeatedly, and he just wants to escape. Vegard pushes the blanket away and scurries out of the bed, as if a swarm of wasps spent the night with him rather than his own brother.

Vegard knows exactly why he can't stand waking up with Bård - it makes everything _feel real_ , when the dark-haired wishes so badly for it to be a dream. And it's funny, Vegard thinks, that he does treat Bård like a swarm of wasps lately. He tries to be nice so he doesn't anger the dangerous thing, while he's scared of it at the same time.

It doesn't make sense, of course; Acting like a over-protective boyfriend one night and then feeling like a stranger the next morning. Vegard explains it to himself like this: _Their whole relationship_ doesn't make sense. Their brotherhood is out of balance and their lives are upside-down lately. With Bård being back in Norway, after he quit his job in New York, and with vegard having agreed to work with him in showbiz again. While life doesn't stop around them, and everything keeps going at the speed of light, the two brothers are emotionally stuck in the moment. As if they are paralyzed, or put on hold, their relationship is stuck. It feels like they aren't going anywhere with it.

Once again Vegard is so lost in his thoughts that the sudden sound of Bård's voice behind him makes him jump. "Why are you standing around like that?"

Vegard doesn't answer but runs a hand over his face instead. Bård sits up in the bed and frowns, "Is everything alright?"

Bård knows that nothing's alright, of course he does. But Vegard is stubborn and he doesn't talk about his feelings until you ask him about them. Mostly he doesn't even talk then.

So Bård doesn't really expect anything but a shrug when his brother surprises him with an honest answer. "I don't think we can keep doing this."

Bård shakes his head, as if he couldn't believe or understand what Vegard just said. "What do you mean?"

"I mean _this_." The older one gestures towards the bed, towards Bård, and around the room to point out their clothes on the floor. "I mean, what the _fuck_ , Bård? What are we doing here?"

Bård doesn't hesitate but instantly responds with a determined look on his face. "The right thing. We're doing- We love each other so we follow our hearts!" Vegard cringes and Bård adds, "Or that's what _I'm_ doing, at least."

"But it's wrong! Isn't it? We're brothers, we shouldn't feel what we feel, or do what we do."

"Oh, let it go already, Vegard! Just for a second! Yes, we're brothers, but is that our fault? Is that what defines us as persons? Because when I introduce myself to someone, I don't say 'Hey, I'm Bård, Vegard's brother'! There's much more to me than that and there's much more to _you_!"

Vegard stares as Bård gets up from the bed but then drops his gaze to the floor. Partly because he's too upset to look at him, partly because Bård is still naked. Vegard tries to keep his desperation at bay when he says, "Between us, there's nothing else."

And no, it's not surprising that Vegard thinks like that but Bård still feels the words sting his heart. He swallows before he moves closer to the dark-haired. "I think there's more. After all _brothers_ don't have sex, like you pointed out. But lovers do. And brothers don't work together, but colleagues do. And-"

Vegard interrupts him by raising his head and staring right into his face. His eyebrows twitch slightly and there are faint red splotches on his cheeks, as if he forces himself not to cry. "I... I just don't... Want to feel guilty for holding you."

In this moment, time freezes. Vegard stares at Bård and Bård stares at Vegard as their brains try to process what he just said. Because, even if this shouldn't be such a big deal, it very much is. For Vegard because he never let himself talk that freely about his feelings before. For Bård because it hurts to hear that Vegard feels guilty for wanting him. But there's this thing - Vegard just admitted that he wants Bård as much as he wants Vegard. Sure, he said 'I love you' before, but this is worse, somehow.

~

_Vegard was barely nineteen years old when the first 'I love him' infiltrated his mind. He hadn't thought of Bård like this before, despite their kissing and hand-holding and playful sexual teasing. He hadn't thought of Bård as anything but his little brother, and it scared him when he lay in bed that night, thinking about life, when suddenly this 'I love him' popped into his head._

_It scared him because it wasn't simple. It wasn't 'I love my brother' and that's it. It was more like 'I am in love with my brother' and that's_ terrifying.

_Vegard couldn't face Bård for a week after that, because he felt guilty, and disgusting, and he wished he could erase their shared past. It was only when Bård started getting a bit more distant and awkward that Vegard knew he should overcome his own worries._

~

Vegard has never told Bård about this and he probably won't do it, but right now it matters that he remembered. Because this memory motivates him to overcome his worries like he did back when they were still teenagers and everything was easier. And so it makes him step forward, wrap his arms around his brother, and rest his chin on his shoulder.

Bård hugs back after a second of hesitation, and his grip is crushing because he tries to put all he has into this one embrace, and it doesn't matter that he's naked, and it doesn't matter than he can feel Vegard's tears falling onto his shoulders. In this moment nothing matters but the synchronized beating of their hearts, and Vegard feels that, for the first time, he doesn't hug him as a brother. He doesn't kiss Bård's shoulders as a _brother_ , he doesn't caress his naked back as a brother.

And eventually Vegard _does_ steer them towards the bed, and eventually Vegard does take off his underwear, but for the first time it doesn't feel like he's doing Bård wrong. It feels like the dream he always wished it to be, and this time he so desperately wants it to be _real_.


	6. 06

It’s been a little over two months and Vegard is - emotionally - clingy now. He knows that, and he knows it suffocates his brother every now and then, but he doesn’t care. He cannot _afford_ to care. It cost him too much to let himself fall in the first place, so why would he give it up again now?  
Bård is different - He’s been in it from the very beginning, long before Vegard even knew that something between them _existed_.

But however they may twist or turn it, it’s too late now. It’s too late to move on and it’s too late to get out of it, to be free, and both brothers know it. But one can’t afford to care and the other starts to doubt everything.

It’s been almost eight weeks since their silent mutual agreement and Bård officially _lives_ with his brother now. He pays rent, even, from what’s left on his bank account back home in New York.  
It’s weird that the younger Ylvisåker still refers to NYC as ‘his home’, despite the new living situation and despite being originally Norwegian. But Vegard doesn’t dare to ask for his reasons and _maybe_ , so he tries to calm himself, _Bård just does it because he’s used to it, like he has been for the past three years_. Vegard refuses to believe that his brother could miss living in the US.

“What are you thinking about?” rips Bård’s voice through Vegard’s mind a little too loud. Vegard doesn’t look up from the sheet of paper in front of him.

“I’m trying to come up with new ideas for Ylvis.”

The older one can hear a low humming sound before he feels Bård’s arms wrapping around his chest from behind.

“Do you think you could take a short break and follow me into the living room?” The younger one’s voice is heavy and seductive in Vegard’s ear and he can feel it all over his skin. But he shakes his head.

If they really do want to get this whole YLVIS thing going again, they better start taking their work seriously or they can forget their plans for this year entirely. They gave themselves a deadline: End of November 2015. But, even if he was the one who suggested it in the first place, Bård didn’t seem to care too much about work right now; It was concerning because usually, Bård is much more professional - or used to be, at least. But lately it’s getting out of hand - they definitely have too much sex. 

“What is it with you and sex these days? Ever since you arrived, you tried to get me into bed every single day. This needs to stop, Bård. We have to concentrate on work.”

Bård’s arms leave his brother’s chest instantly, as if his body was scalding hot and burned the younger one’s skin, and he walks out of Vegard’s office without another word. The dark-haired only sighs - he knew this would be his reaction.

Bård isn’t easily annoyed, at least not to the point where he just walks off, but denying him when he’s aroused could be considered a mistake. Mostly because yes, Bård is vain, but he’s also very insecure, and his confidence is easily harmed by his brother’s words. It’s ridiculous in Vegard’s eyes, because the younger Ylvisåker _knows_ about his pretty face and what it can do to the dark-haired.  
For now Vegard decides to just let it be.

He blinks twice to focus on the paper on the desk again and his own messy handwriting seems to laugh back at him. It seems to mock him, even, with it’s crooked _k_ ’s and tiny _o_ ’s that obviously were written by the hyperactive hands of an unfocused mind. Vegard blinks again and tries to process the words in front of him; _Dog sketch. Buy toast! Stage needs green paint, background purple. In swim trunks._

The words don’t make sense anymore like they did before Bård came in, and the oldest brother can feel the frustration crawl up his neck. Blood rushes into the skin of his throat and leaves it in angry, red splotches. Vegard wishes he could just give up right at this point, but he knows he doesn’t really want to. If he is honest with himself, he has to admit that the idea of bringing YLVIS back turned into an actual goal.

Vegard stares at the nonsense on the white paper for a few moments as he tries to sort his mind. But no matter how hard he tries to organize them, his thoughts keep rushing back to the source of the problem - Bård.


	7. 07

“Bård, we have to talk.”

Vegard stands in the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his chest and he hopes his authority doesn’t fail him now.

Bård turns his head slowly and looks up from his mobile phone to face his brother. The blonde looks bored and not very interested. But he does raise his eyebrows expectantly and Vegard thinks that’s the best he will get.

“I think we should - in order to focus on work... I think we should stop having sex.”

Bård only rolls his eyes and drops his gaze. His phone screen is much more interesting than Vegard who keeps repeating himself, who keeps going back and forth between the same feelings.

“Hey, I am talking to you!”

Bård rolls his eyes again. “We’ve been through this already, Vegard-”

“No, you don’t get it. I’m saying we should break up! Stop the whole relationship.”

The dark-haired cringes at his own choice of words because _breaking up_ is for boyfriends. Who aren’t related to each other.

“You’ve said that so many times bef-”

“I’m serious, Bård! We have to stop. I don’t want this anymore.”

Bård’s face twitches slightly and Vegard knows he’s got his attention. He walks into the living room and sits down in the armchair. This could be his only chance.

“Look. We’re in the exact same situation from three years ago. That’s why you left, remember? And I don’t want that.”

Bård sighs and finally puts his phone away. He rushes a hand through his hair and over his face and sudden tiredness lies in his features.

“I know you’re conflicted and all but… Think about work, Vegard. We’re trying to get this Ylvis thing back on track-”

“Exactly! That’s why we should stop before we may make our comeback! It’d ruin everyth- Hold on, are you trying to convince me to stay with you because of _work_?”

Bård leans back with widened eyes and he looks as shocked as he seems to be offended. “What the fuck, Vegard? No, I’m not trying to convince you to-”  
The older one shakes his head quickly and raises his hands, as well as his voice. “Doesn’t matter, that’s not the point. But we have to stop.”

Bård rises from his seat on the couch and his eyebrows furrow slightly. It looks like he tries to stay calm and suppress his emotions but Vegard knows that he will break.

“You’re really trying to do this once again?” he asks and his voice is too loud and Vegard doesn’t feel safe sitting down anymore.

“Do you think you can just walk in and out of this relationship as you please?”

“Oh, here we go.” Vegard gets up and rubs his hands on his thighs.

“What is your problem, huh? What are you so afraid of? Nobody knows, and work has nothing to do with our priva-”

Bård’s voice is so loud, Vegard has to yell in order to drown it out. “Obviously it does! You fucking went to New York because of-”

“Oh, please, get over yourself!” Bård yells too now and Vegard can see him getting frustrated and nervous, and he prepares for the worst. He knows his brother’s nerves are getting thin, and the blonde is pure hell when he’s angry.

“As if you, or any of _this_ , was my reason to go!”

Okay, that hurts. Vegard puts his hands on his hips and leans forward a bit. “Oh, what was your reason then, brother? Was the steady income too much? Did you secretly hate being celebrated every second night onstage?”

“Shut the fuck up, Vegard, you don’t understand _anything_!” shouts Bård before he turns around and storms off. The dark-haired stares after his brother as he grabs his jacket and Vegard’s car keys off the hook in the hallway. The frontdoor falls shut behind Bård before Vegard can protest though.

-

Sitting in Vegard’s car feels weird and uncomfortable but that only fuels Bård’s anger. He is frustrated with himself, his brother, and all the complications that come with the conflict of their relationship. Bård just wants to drown everything out now.

Vegard calls Bård six times before he gives up. A few hours later he tries again though because his brother has been gone for too long now. Also, that idiot kidnapped Vegard’s car.  
Eventually, after the fourth ring, Bård picks up and mumbles, “Fuck off, I’m drinking.”

That’s the only thing they hear from each other for the rest of the evening. The brothers have to spend the night in separate rooms, in separate buildings, without each other.

* * *

 

The next morning the younger Ylvisåker stumbles into the house with his jacket half taken off and a white paper cup in his right hand. In the left he’s got his phone and Vegard’s car keys.

“I’m home.” says Bård without making an effort to be actually _heard_ , and snorts. _Home_. As if.

His _home_ is back in New York, in the $3000 apartment near Broadway. The flat in which all is furniture gets covered in dust right now, including his own bed, and some of his clothes, and also the charger cable for his phone. His home is where the things that belong to him are, and he misses it. But doesn’t it also say ‘home is where the heart is’?

Bård takes his jacket off and throws the empty paper cup in the trash bin before he sits down in the living room. He’s about to turn on the TV when Vegard appears in the doorframe once again, with his arms crossed in front of his chest and a neutral expression on his face.

“Where have you been?”

Bård looks at him and shrugs. “At that bar you dragged me out of last time.”

Vegard raises his eyebrows at that but decides against commenting on it. Instead he chews nervously on his lip while he tries to put the questions in his head in order.

“You know that I was worried about you?”

Bård scoffs and nods lightly before he looks away. “I’m a grown man” he wants to say. “Why would you worry when you were just about to throw me out?” he wants to ask. But instead he says, “Yeah.” and it sounds too passive aggressive for both brothers’ liking. They’re quiet for a moment before the younger one opens his mouth again.

“You want me gone.”

Vegard lowers his arms and stares at Bård as if he offended him. “No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do. You want to break up.”

Vegard’s lips part slightly and he searches for words that he can’t seem to find. “Yeah but…”, he stutters, “I don’t want you to _leave_! I never said that I wanted you to leave.”

At that Bård turns his head to face the dark-haired again, and his every feature seems to mock Vegard.

“Do you really think that we could keep our hands off each other if I stayed here? It didn’t take us three days to slip into the whole thing again in the first place.”

Vegard doesn’t say anything to that because it’s true. Bård just sighs. It’s the usual, tiring deal, a routine they don’t seem to be able to break out of.

Eventually Vegard walks further into the room and sits down next to his brother. “We have to do _something_ , Bård.”

The younger one nods but keeps looking at the ground.

“We have to find a solution.”

The blonde nods again but this time his left hand falls on top of Vegard’s thigh. He gets the hint and takes his brother’s hand.

The two men sit there like that for a few minutes before Bård’s other hand finds Vegard’s other thigh and eventually it ends the same way it always does. When all other communication fails, sex is the answer.

**Author's Note:**

> let me warn you beforehand - this will probably take a long time to write.


End file.
